For a long time, I enjoyed the freedom of attending the saddest and sappiest of films without having to fill my pockets with tissues. But a strange thing has happened since the advent of my children. My heartstrings seem easier to pluck and my tear ducts appear to be compensating for years of underuse. I'm told I'm not alone in the experience.
I think when you have young dependents who ravish your heart the way mine do, the stakes are just perpetually higher. Every threat and fear, disappointment and loss, even laughter and joy, fictional or otherwise, are felt more acutely when each one is clothed and fleshed out with their names and faces.
I have found this to be still truer when I'm watching something with them. When they jump, laugh, smile and cover their faces at stories and scenes so familiar to me, it's like I am seeing or hearing each one for the first time. Sad things feel so much sadder to me when I see them break someone else's heart - like watching a child with his toppled ice cream or the widow at a funeral.
Recently, during a trip to Prince Edward Island, we went to Confederation Centre in Charlottetown to take in Anne of Green Gables - the musical. It was, as Anne might put it, positively exquisital. The acting, the orchestra, the songs and choreography were all spot on and as dazzling as you'd expect for a show that is just completing it's 52nd consecutive season. I was left moved and inspired in all the ways that you would hope to be after experiencing a work of art.
But as moved as I was by the production, I was even more so by my kids. At times, I spent more time looking to my right and left than I did looking straight ahead. And whether I caught them laughing or crying or scared, my eyes almost always welled up with tears. Tears of joy at their experience of one of my well beloved tales. And when I knew a scene was coming that had thrilled me in years gone by, I gave up on the stage altogether and focussed on taking in that thrilling moment for them. "I can't wait for them to see..." or "Oh man, they haven't seen it coming yet!" or "They are going to lose their minds when..."
I wonder if my Father in heaven is like that.
I wonder if He watches me attend church, lead my family or read my Bible with the same sort of giddy joy. I wonder if He wells up when I laugh and cry at the unexpected (to me) blessings and griefs of this life.
I wonder if He watches in anticipation as I peel back the pages of sacred scripture and His Holy Spirit reveals ancient truths and makes them new in my heart. "I can't wait for him to see the connection between Philippians 2 and John 13 - he's gonna lose his mind!" or "oh man, he's just discovered the theological implications of the ascension" or "I'm gonna show him a bit more of the scope of what it means to be 'in Christ' - I bet he hits his knees in five seconds flat!"
God chose to reveal Himself to us as Father in the New Testament - J.I Packer went so far as to say that "Father is the Christian name for God". I think that's true and my fatherhood has gone further than many things to help me understand God.
One of those things: I think God watches me watching His Son and delights in my delight in Him.
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